Heya,

Even though I haven't had this journal for a very long time this will be my last post here.

For years I have fought with several issues. They have always been a part of my life but have been kept mostly in the shadows. I have allowed them to surface on occasion but the time has come to bring them out in the open. Let me start out by saying that my fiance has been aware of this since before we started dating. I have decided to proceed with her support and understanding.

First, I am bisexual. I always have been and will always be so. I really like sex with both genders and have explored this many times. Each has something that I love and I cannot pretend otherwise any more. This is not something new for me but something that I have enjoyed and fought with for many years. I will not hide this anymore. I like boys. I like girls. In fact, I like boys and girls. If this surprises you I am sorry but that is just the way it is.

Second, I am a transsexual. I have been working with this since I was very young. Most of the people I know probably never had a clue. I have spent a lot of time developing an illusion to hide behind like so many TG people do. I have tried almost everything to keep people from knowing this. From my earliest memories of wearing women's clothing to the most recent opening this has been a part of my life forever.

I really want to thank Astacia for being with me and deciding to share my life. Without her I would never have had the courage to come into the open. However, I can't stay hidden any more. If you can't handle this about me then you have my sympathy but nothing else.

From now on my journal will be -- Tanjy Dee

I will close this account down in one month.

Love and Kisses,
Tanjy

Greeting and Felicitations,

An article in Renewable Agriculture and Food Systems brings forth the data that:

"A person following a low-fat vegetarian diet, for example, will need less than half (0.44) an acre per person per year to produce their food," said Christian Peters, M.S. '02, Ph.D. '07, a Cornell postdoctoral associate in crop and soil sciences and lead author of the research. "A high-fat diet with a lot of meat, on the other hand, needs 2.11 acres."

It is nice to see actual published research related to vegetarian versus carnivorous diets. However, the report also stated that including some dairy and a little meat increased the overall efficiency of the diet.

Thus, although vegetarian diets in New York state may require less land per person, they use more high-valued land. "It appears that while meat increases land-use requirements, diets including modest amounts of meat can feed more people than some higher fat vegetarian diets," said Peters. with the caveat that The reason is that fruits, vegetables and grains must be grown on high-quality cropland, he explained. Meat and dairy products from ruminant animals are supported by lower quality, but more widely available, land that can support pasture and hay

This is another reason to advocate a lacto-vegetarian diet or even lacto-ovo diet, Ruminants such as cows or goats could be used to provide milk, cheese and other dairy products from land that can't be used for other things. Chickens could be introduced into the same feeding area to scavenge for food. I advocate a lacto-ovo diet because it does not require the sacrifice of any living creature to provide food.

In Peace,
Eleniar

Greetings and Felicitations,

Here is the background. Last week I hurt my shoulder/back between my shoulder blades. I waited for it to heal but there didn't seem to be any progress. I finally went to the doctor yesterday and got checked out. The verdict is a pulled muscle but possibly a pinched nerve. According to the doctor they treat them both the same way. I got a prescription for a muscle relaxer, a pain killer and steroids. The instructions were to take the muscle relaxer and pain med at bed time. Of course, like happens so many times I had a bounce back. I think I may have slept two hours last night and I am exhausted. In addition, I am hurting.

I don't see or understand how people can enjoy doing these things to themselves on purpose. Drug use always, and I mean always, made no sense to me at all.

The only upside is that I got to do some thinking about my life and got to find some groups.

In Peace,
Eleniar

Greetings and Felicitations,

I have been thinking about the world that I live and work in. There are times when I despair and there are times when I exalt. There are times when I feel uplifted and there are times when I feel repressed. I wonder how much of that if placed upon me by the culture and society in which I live. I will give a prime example based on work.

I work at Wal-Mart in the Electronics Department. I can be firmly determined to keep a peaceful and elevated mindset. I can be feeling peaceful and content with my progress. However, I have noticed that within a couple of hours of being at work that my attitude gets overwhelmed by some force of non-caring. I get drawn into the conflicts between people and have a harder time keeping myself seperated. I find myself thinking about all the things I can't have that I think I want. Everywhere I look there are movies that call to me and games that strike my fancy. Wide-screen TV's that call to the consumer within. I discover that by the time I reach the end of my shift that I have gotten thoroughly depressed and suppressed to the point where I just don't seem to care. I think it is the group egregore created by the attitude at Wal-mart.

Wal-mart seems dedicated to leaching every dollar they can get out of everything that is inside Wal-mart. The associates. The merchandise. The customers. It is all very overwhelming at times. However, I seem to be stuck at a place where I can't escape from it.

I am hopeful that I will get a new job at Books-A-Million but there is a very intent part of me that says I will be trapped where I am. I do know one thing. I have to get away from Wal-mart at some point. BAM would be a nice change for me because I will be involved in helping other people learn and read.

In Peace,
Eleniar

Greetings and Felicitations,

I have finally learned.....

Original Content Deleted

Eleniar

Current Mood: morose
Current Music: Atreyu - Becoming the Bull

I have discovered that people have a difficult time with changes in people they know. It is extremely hard for people to accept that the person they know now might not be the same person they used to know. They expect you, even after years of seperation, to act like you used to. This is a general issue for humanity and something that needs constant work even for those who seek to embrace more enlightenen behavior.
Life is not a stillshot. Life is not a moment frozen in time but a constant flowing in a direction that may never be revealed. The world is not in the same place it was two years ago why should an individual be the same after the same time period. I will use myself as a prime example. I am nowhere near the same person I was two years ago. The changes over a ten year period are even more pronounced.
I have changed a great deal. Ten years ago I was not a happy person. I was not even a particularly nice person. Of course, I was trying to live the life of a dark intended person. I was self-centered, greedy and only concerned with the facets of my own life. In many ways I was incapable of deep meaningful relationships. The pursuit of that life brought me to the edge of dissolution several times before I learned. The universe had many lessons to teach me and I have learned them well.
The pursuit of the selfish life will only lead you to chaos and destruction. There is no future in it. There never really was but our culture wants you to think that there is. We are fed the illusory visions that being selfish and self-centered will make you famous and rich. In addition, we are taught that self-reliance is the only way to truly succeed. These are the very essense of untruth. We are part of a great web of interaction that encompasses more than most ever realize. We rely on other people to provide services that we cannot provide for ourselves. We rely on the great food circle to provide us with the energy of life. We are never alone.
The things we send out into life have a way of coming back to us. A contemporary saying is, "what goes around comes around." If you send out aggressive energy you will get people who want to fight with you. If you send out uncompassionate energy you will get people who don't care about you. If you send out anger then you will get people who will hate you. At the same time, if you send out compassionate feelings then you will get back good relationships. If you send out harmony you will get people who want to help you. It is all there to find. The question becomes one of which gains the better results.
It is easy to assume that the angry, aggressive person will get better results. This is not correct. Most people don't want to have to deal with harmful people. These kinds of people tend to end up with friends and no really in-depth relationships. People don't want to associate with people who are difficult to live with. This is where the choice comes in. Which do you want to associate with? I know whom I will choose.

I am an Ameliorite sworn to peace and this is the path I have walked to get here.

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Greetings and Felicitations,

I am slowly starting to work towards my goal of creating a group dedicated to making the world a better place.

I now have a webpage.
I now have a Yahoo group.
I now have an Experience Festival group.

The project is going slow but that is the way I want it.

In Peace,
Eleneiar

Greetings and Felicitations,

I have started working on my group. The first stage was setting up a GeoCities account to host the basic website. Of course, there is not much there yet but I will be working on it constantly. The beginning webstite can be found here:

Ameliorite Society

I hope this will be the seed of a new beginning.

In Peace,
Eleniar

My bonus daughter has been injured in a scooter accident. She has been most amazing in her power to overcome. She has not been grumpy. She has not been fussy. She just keeps adapting and adapting to her situation. Even though she is afraid and told me so she has such a happy disposition that you can't help but be amazed.

She has one of the most joyful and peaceful spirits of anyone I have ever met. Her first thoughts are almost always nice and she displays a constant attention to how she treats other people. She very seldom gets angry and then she is done. She doesn't hold on to conflict and she doesn't say things meant to intentionally hurt someone. In many ways she has become a role-model for me in how to live my life. I am very proud of her capacity to deal with life's difficulties with a calm and equitable nature.

Perhaps we can all learn something about how to live by paying attention to her.

In Peace,
Eleniar