Eleniar

Last Post From Here

2007-10-15T22:21:02Z

Heya,

Even though I haven't had this journal for a very long time this will be my last post here.

For years I have fought with several issues. They have always been a part of my life but have been kept mostly in the shadows. I have allowed them to surface on occasion but the time has come to bring them out in the open. Let me start out by saying that my fiance has been aware of this since before we started dating. I have decided to proceed with her support and understanding.

First, I am bisexual. I always have been and will always be so. I really like sex with both genders and have explored this many times. Each has something that I love and I cannot pretend otherwise any more. This is not something new for me but something that I have enjoyed and fought with for many years. I will not hide this anymore. I like boys. I like girls. In fact, I like boys and girls. If this surprises you I am sorry but that is just the way it is.

Second, I am a transsexual. I have been working with this since I was very young. Most of the people I know probably never had a clue. I have spent a lot of time developing an illusion to hide behind like so many TG people do. I have tried almost everything to keep people from knowing this. From my earliest memories of wearing women's clothing to the most recent opening this has been a part of my life forever.

I really want to thank Astacia for being with me and deciding to share my life. Without her I would never have had the courage to come into the open. However, I can't stay hidden any more. If you can't handle this about me then you have my sympathy but nothing else.

From now on my journal will be -- Tanjy Dee

I will close this account down in one month.

Love and Kisses,
Tanjy

Efficiency of Vegetarian Diet Versus High Meat

2007-10-10T10:56:20Z

Greeting and Felicitations,

An article in Renewable Agriculture and Food Systems brings forth the data that:

"A person following a low-fat vegetarian diet, for example, will need less than half (0.44) an acre per person per year to produce their food," said Christian Peters, M.S. '02, Ph.D. '07, a Cornell postdoctoral associate in crop and soil sciences and lead author of the research. "A high-fat diet with a lot of meat, on the other hand, needs 2.11 acres."

It is nice to see actual published research related to vegetarian versus carnivorous diets. However, the report also stated that including some dairy and a little meat increased the overall efficiency of the diet.

Thus, although vegetarian diets in New York state may require less land per person, they use more high-valued land. "It appears that while meat increases land-use requirements, diets including modest amounts of meat can feed more people than some higher fat vegetarian diets," said Peters. with the caveat that The reason is that fruits, vegetables and grains must be grown on high-quality cropland, he explained. Meat and dairy products from ruminant animals are supported by lower quality, but more widely available, land that can support pasture and hay

This is another reason to advocate a lacto-vegetarian diet or even lacto-ovo diet, Ruminants such as cows or goats could be used to provide milk, cheese and other dairy products from land that can't be used for other things. Chickens could be introduced into the same feeding area to scavenge for food. I advocate a lacto-ovo diet because it does not require the sacrifice of any living creature to provide food.

In Peace,
Eleniar

Why I Don't Like Drugs!

2007-10-09T10:31:37Z

Greetings and Felicitations,

Here is the background. Last week I hurt my shoulder/back between my shoulder blades. I waited for it to heal but there didn't seem to be any progress. I finally went to the doctor yesterday and got checked out. The verdict is a pulled muscle but possibly a pinched nerve. According to the doctor they treat them both the same way. I got a prescription for a muscle relaxer, a pain killer and steroids. The instructions were to take the muscle relaxer and pain med at bed time. Of course, like happens so many times I had a bounce back. I think I may have slept two hours last night and I am exhausted. In addition, I am hurting.

I don't see or understand how people can enjoy doing these things to themselves on purpose. Drug use always, and I mean always, made no sense to me at all.

The only upside is that I got to do some thinking about my life and got to find some groups.

In Peace,
Eleniar

What a strange couple of weeks.

2007-09-24T10:54:32Z

Greetings and Felicitations,

I have been thinking about the world that I live and work in. There are times when I despair and there are times when I exalt. There are times when I feel uplifted and there are times when I feel repressed. I wonder how much of that if placed upon me by the culture and society in which I live. I will give a prime example based on work.

I work at Wal-Mart in the Electronics Department. I can be firmly determined to keep a peaceful and elevated mindset. I can be feeling peaceful and content with my progress. However, I have noticed that within a couple of hours of being at work that my attitude gets overwhelmed by some force of non-caring. I get drawn into the conflicts between people and have a harder time keeping myself seperated. I find myself thinking about all the things I can't have that I think I want. Everywhere I look there are movies that call to me and games that strike my fancy. Wide-screen TV's that call to the consumer within. I discover that by the time I reach the end of my shift that I have gotten thoroughly depressed and suppressed to the point where I just don't seem to care. I think it is the group egregore created by the attitude at Wal-mart.

Wal-mart seems dedicated to leaching every dollar they can get out of everything that is inside Wal-mart. The associates. The merchandise. The customers. It is all very overwhelming at times. However, I seem to be stuck at a place where I can't escape from it.

I am hopeful that I will get a new job at Books-A-Million but there is a very intent part of me that says I will be trapped where I am. I do know one thing. I have to get away from Wal-mart at some point. BAM would be a nice change for me because I will be involved in helping other people learn and read.

In Peace,
Eleniar

Finally Learned Life's Lessons

2007-09-16T08:58:07Z

Greetings and Felicitations,

I have finally learned.....

Original Content Deleted

Eleniar

Time and Interaction

2007-09-13T01:50:49Z

I have discovered that people have a difficult time with changes in people they know. It is extremely hard for people to accept that the person they know now might not be the same person they used to know. They expect you, even after years of seperation, to act like you used to. This is a general issue for humanity and something that needs constant work even for those who seek to embrace more enlightenen behavior.
Life is not a stillshot. Life is not a moment frozen in time but a constant flowing in a direction that may never be revealed. The world is not in the same place it was two years ago why should an individual be the same after the same time period. I will use myself as a prime example. I am nowhere near the same person I was two years ago. The changes over a ten year period are even more pronounced.
I have changed a great deal. Ten years ago I was not a happy person. I was not even a particularly nice person. Of course, I was trying to live the life of a dark intended person. I was self-centered, greedy and only concerned with the facets of my own life. In many ways I was incapable of deep meaningful relationships. The pursuit of that life brought me to the edge of dissolution several times before I learned. The universe had many lessons to teach me and I have learned them well.
The pursuit of the selfish life will only lead you to chaos and destruction. There is no future in it. There never really was but our culture wants you to think that there is. We are fed the illusory visions that being selfish and self-centered will make you famous and rich. In addition, we are taught that self-reliance is the only way to truly succeed. These are the very essense of untruth. We are part of a great web of interaction that encompasses more than most ever realize. We rely on other people to provide services that we cannot provide for ourselves. We rely on the great food circle to provide us with the energy of life. We are never alone.
The things we send out into life have a way of coming back to us. A contemporary saying is, "what goes around comes around." If you send out aggressive energy you will get people who want to fight with you. If you send out uncompassionate energy you will get people who don't care about you. If you send out anger then you will get people who will hate you. At the same time, if you send out compassionate feelings then you will get back good relationships. If you send out harmony you will get people who want to help you. It is all there to find. The question becomes one of which gains the better results.
It is easy to assume that the angry, aggressive person will get better results. This is not correct. Most people don't want to have to deal with harmful people. These kinds of people tend to end up with friends and no really in-depth relationships. People don't want to associate with people who are difficult to live with. This is where the choice comes in. Which do you want to associate with? I know whom I will choose.

Who am I

2007-09-09T13:07:13Z

I am an Ameliorite sworn to peace and this is the path I have walked to get here.

I was born Charles David Neely in Birmingham, Alabama on July 12, 1964. There is some confusion about my birthdate but that is not uncommon. I lived in the town of Pinson, Alabama until sometime in my tenth year when we moved into downtown Birmingham. I will only say a couple of things about those times. First, let me state that I can't really remember the details of my life expect for a few simple facts. I was the victim of abuse by my father including physical and sexual abuse. I was not a popular child and was seen as extremely strange by my fellow students. This did not change when I moved except that my father was no longer a major influence on my life.
One important thing happened in connection to the move in 1974 into Alabama. I discovered the world of Star Trek and learned that there was a greater vision about how people could learn to interact. This was a simultaneous discovery that occured along with the discovery of science fiction. I have incorporated a great deal of Gene Roddenberry's vision of the future into my personal philosophies. Of course, this did not help with my feelings of seperation with children my own age. This would become a problem for me as I continued my education and moved into the teenage years. This continued until it reached the point where I could not accept it any more.
This was the beginning of a darker time for me. I started engaging in violent behavior to defend myself but discovered that I had a problem with keeping that darker nature from over-whelming me. I started learning various martial arts but never discovered the deeper spiritual meanings that they teach. I learned things only to hurt people and things that would allow me to become a person of power that other people would fear. I believed that this would protect me and make sure that people couldn't hurt me anymore. Eventually, I moved to the Tri-Cities area of Tennessee to escape from anyone who knew me from the older times.
I continued my generally aggressive ways when I moved. I just learned to be more subtle in my projections of my nature and learned to hide them behind a veil of disguised evil. In other words, I projected a vision of myself walking a dark path and tried to make other people fear me. There is one thing I am continually greatful to the divine about -- during this time when it would have been so easy -- I never killed anyone.
Several things did happen during these years.
I spent some time with an Apache medicine man who helped me truly release the things my father did. I learned that my father gave me an absolutely wonderful gift. A perfect example of what not to be. Of course, this did not stop me from using my father's abuse as an excuse in the same way I used the harrassment of my school years.
My first wife died in childbirth. I learned a great deal from this experience and it was the beginning of my realization about the truth of my real self. I learned the pain of losing someone who cared about me even though she never knew the truth about me. My son was born and I learned that I was completely unprepared for truly nurturing someone. However, in the words of one of my favorite comedians -- I got better. I lost several relationships because I was not capable of being who I truly was and still felt the need to project the illusion of power and evil. I became the father to a wonderful daughter who has taught me much.
All of these experiences have taught me one thing. I was never successful at projecting the vision I wanted people to see. Deep down I was way to caring to be truly, or even moderately, successful at being evil. Even though I tried and did several things that came close to pushing the line. I have learned that down through the years most people never accepted the illusion that I projected. However, it took several years to let go of that illusion.
I think we can skip several years of life experience at this point.
In the fall of 2000 I discovered a wonderful book. The Dalai Lama's book Ethics for a New Millenium. There has not been a single book that has affected me like that book has. It changed many aspects of my life and I learned to embrace a great many things that I had hidden from myself. However, it took a disaster to make me start making the changes I needed to make.
Like many people I was deeply affected by the tragedy of September 11, 2001. I was brought face-to-face with the reality of the lifestyle I tried to project for years. I learned the disaster that such mindsets were capable of producing and decided to do everything I could to change things for the better. The intervening years have been one's of study and contemplation. I have delved deeper into the self than I ever wanted to before. I have learned to be peaceful most of the time. I am not perfect and I have still made some great mistakes. I have unintentionally hurt people that I never wanted to hurt. We all have growing pains and sometimes those pains hurt other people as well. The experiences of these years have led to the creation of the Way of the Ameliorite.
The Way of the Ameliorite is my path. I have no wish to create followers. I have hopes of gathering people together that think the way I do and create something together. Being an Ameliorite is my vision about how people should act and I hope that others can help me in its development. I look forward to the future.
In my personal life I am engaged to Astacia (Winnie) and looking forward to getting married. I have two biological children and three bonus children all of whom I love like my own.

Working Towards My Goals

2007-09-08T13:11:00Z

Greetings and Felicitations,

I am slowly starting to work towards my goal of creating a group dedicated to making the world a better place.

I now have a webpage.
I now have a Yahoo group.
I now have an Experience Festival group.

The project is going slow but that is the way I want it.

In Peace,
Eleneiar

Ameliorite Society

2007-09-01T11:31:35Z

Greetings and Felicitations,

I have started working on my group. The first stage was setting up a GeoCities account to host the basic website. Of course, there is not much there yet but I will be working on it constantly. The beginning webstite can be found here:

Ameliorite Society

I hope this will be the seed of a new beginning.

In Peace,
Eleniar

The Power of Children

2007-08-30T11:18:09Z

My bonus daughter has been injured in a scooter accident. She has been most amazing in her power to overcome. She has not been grumpy. She has not been fussy. She just keeps adapting and adapting to her situation. Even though she is afraid and told me so she has such a happy disposition that you can't help but be amazed.

She has one of the most joyful and peaceful spirits of anyone I have ever met. Her first thoughts are almost always nice and she displays a constant attention to how she treats other people. She very seldom gets angry and then she is done. She doesn't hold on to conflict and she doesn't say things meant to intentionally hurt someone. In many ways she has become a role-model for me in how to live my life. I am very proud of her capacity to deal with life's difficulties with a calm and equitable nature.

Perhaps we can all learn something about how to live by paying attention to her.

In Peace,
Eleniar

Today I Started Changing My Life

2007-08-26T12:19:31Z

Today I have started changing my life. Today is the first day I have truly called myself an Ameliorite. Today I start living by the philosophy that is designed to create change in the world. The philosophy is not whole and complete. It is not a thing that is finished but just beginning. There is much work to be done and a great challenge lies ahead.

What is an Ameliorite? The root idea is simple. It is based on the world ameliorate. Ameliorate simple means to make things better. Therefore, an Ameliorite dedicates their life to making things better. Where there is anger we will seek to so joy. Where there is pain we will seek to bring healing. Where there is war we will seek to bring peace.

In all times and in all places we will seek to spread peace and healing. We will seek to never use an unkind word or to spread the unkind words of others. We will seek to never cause another pain unless there is absolutely no other choice and we wil seek to end such pain a soon as possible. We will seek to never promote falsehood and will seek to spread the truth in all situations possible.

In Peace,
Eleniar